Low Wolfsbane Crop Fails to Rid Prospect Park of Werewolf Menace

Due to a disappointing wolfsbane (arnica montana) yield, park authorities are unable to pronounce Prospect Park werewolf-free this spring as planned.

“The growth was nowhere near what we’d hoped for,” said park botanist Niko Gurbauskas. “We think the problem may have been that this spring’s mulch, made primarily from the Christmas Tree recycling program from the Park Slope neighborhood, may have been too acidic.”

Plans for next spring include a larger number of wolfsbane plants, specialized mulch and fertilizer, and below-ground irrigation in the Vale of Cashmere area. Until further notice, however, the park will be closed moon-up to moon-down during full moons.